I was twenty-four years old when I went to a residential treatment center in Chicago for a eating disorder when I had what I thought was devastating news that I was Had a borderline personality disorder (BPD). When BPD hit my brain, I attacked it indoors. "Not another diagnosis," I shouted as lines of thought were quickly trailing in my head. These thoughts come in all shapes and sizes. Some thoughts of abandonment passed, other thoughts of suicidal ideation grew. My mood was up and down as if I were on a roller coaster, and not the kiddy. I was a lost soul living in a world of self-destructive torments where everything was going badly. I was feeling alone. My body, for me, looked like an inflated balloon. And I felt abandoned, even though I had a family, friends and a loving and caring support team.
Since this fall afternoon with my therapist, when we discussed why I was suffering from BPD, I started to understand. a bad thing but a gift. He answered so many questions about why my mood and thought processes were what they were. It helped me become a stronger person.
The 6 BPD Gifts:
- Some days I go through what seems to be 100 different emotions. In a moment I am alone, the next moment I am a mixture of anger and loneliness with anxiety swimming my body. Going through all these moods has created a kind of resilience and strength that can not be explained. It's almost like you're superwoman riding on a magical unicorn that says you're strong. This "magic" quality is your resilience.
- I have these unpleasant thoughts of an imaginary surrender. This makes me appreciate more the fact that I am loved by my family and friends – because I only imagine abandonment. However, there are times when I still feel abandoned, as if I were adopted.
- Compassion comes without saying. Dealing with BPD has made me realize how I can use my gifts to help others. Whether I say "you look good in your swimsuit" at someone in a gym dressing room or just brighten someone's day with a little bit of art- therapy. It has also influenced my professional life. It makes me understand what my customers are experiencing and feeling for them.
- My treasure chest is brimming with adaptation solutions, from dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to personal care. It helped me become more independent. I also like to rely on experiential therapies like art and yoga to help me conquer my BPD.
- I savor more and more pleasant days. A cloud in the sky that seems so ordinary makes me smile, while I sing in the "Fight Song" Rachel Platten. These days just paint a smile on my face.
- The days when I am overwhelmed with emotions, I learned to live in the moment. Get the most out of chores and shopping by singing for myself, listening to an audio book, or just chatting with a friend. I find that by listening to an audiobook that teaches me something, I feel that I am doing something to help and help others.
When you meet a person with borderline disorder, do not be afraid of all the emotions that it presents, examine rather all the gifts that their diagnosis has given them, that they can share with you and with others. Learn from them as they learn from you, and the world will grow as you grow. Without learning from others, we will remain stagnant.
The force is of all shapes and sizes. My strength comes from all that I have overcome. Maybe your strengths come from work, school, sports or small daily damage to life. Whatever they are, they make you stronger just as BPD makes me stronger.